I'm sorry fans, it's actually 999 days, TODAY that I joined the xanga. how 'bout it.
turn 22 on sunday. it's awesome how when you're a teenager you never think of turning 22; as if life stops at 21. apparently it goes on.. someone ought to tell those 15 year olds out there. i guess i shall "reflect":
- i title this section - : a rambling of reflections (ENJOY!)
21 sucked. that's not true. it seems as if it sucked on the surface, however in the depths it was simply diverse. i have been through more in this year than many go through in a few decades. i haven't quite figured out how i feel about that yet. i could be prideful and say that it has caused me to be more mature, but honestly it sucked. every growth meant stretching - meaning tearing - meaning pain. literally - no pain no gain. some of it the best pain - some the worst.
i've lost two parents; and regained one - we'll see how that works out. for a decade now i've not had to think about having a "family"... here we go! maybe i can recapture the "father/son" love i've long forgotten about.
i've found an amazing family - scratch - families :
the edmond community (www.xanga.com/his_tribe) : a community of people sincerely trying to live Acts 2.42 style. it's intense. i've grown so much spiritually within this community - places i never knew existed. these people seriously love, so don't think you'll get away unnoticed. for 8 months this organic group has persevered as only a family can. family = love.
the monsma.s: i can't express to you how these people have taken me in to foster me. I never thought 15 months ago that i would find such a warm home. they continually surprise me with amazing love. i can only hope to be lucky enough to someday officially be in the family. however it would seem as far as Mr. & Mrs. are concerned, I already am. tears are the only answer to how lovely this family is.
the friends/mentors: my social family has been a major part of keeping me afloat. what is life without friends? to those in the past year who have seen that i survive.. you know who you are.. and i can only hope you know where you are in my heart.
i'm lucky to be where i am; regardless of the minefield i've crawled through to get here. sadly, i'm not into the clearing yet. the days rapidly tick by as close loved ones enjoy their finale. tho it may be painful, i struggle to receive any impartation of wisdom my learned elders may have to offer before they receive their paradise.
i can't change my past - i can change the condition of my heart. tomorrow His graces are new. Lord allow me a repentant heart to better know you; as unworthy as i may be.
what have I learned in all of this? i don't think you're ready for it; it's very simple - but i tell you brothers and sisters, there's not a day you can survive without understanding this truth:
God is good. Sovereignly good. and no one can contest anything different.
R.I.P.: Mom - Monica Lynn Crowell
Dottie - my most loving companion.
my former self - His graces are new - and so am i
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